Addictions

Addiction is such a bad word. So negative. I mean, when you hear the word addiction, don't you automatically think of things like drugs, and alcohol, and pornography, and Cadbury Cream Eggs? But where is it written that only destructive things can be addictive? Wouldn't the world be a better place if we were all addicted to things that make us better? Just imagine if your next door neighbor were addicted to generosity. Or if your children were addicted to pleasing you. Or if you yourself were addicted to fresh vegetables. Think how much better your life would be in some ways. Are those things totally impossible? Okay, maybe not impossible, but highly unlikely.

All this is simply a stalling tactic, as it is not my favorite thing to make confessions, but I feel compelled to confess that I am prone to addictions. Having nurtured and then thrown off quite a variety of addictions across the years, I have come to recognize the symptoms of a new one creeping up on me. The first telltale sign is that I do this thing without engaging the decision-making part of my brain, and I keep doing it even though my rational side argues that it is a waste of one of my valued resources. Money. Time. Energy. Relationships. The addictive thing doesn't respond to reason. It doesn't care about logic. It just wants what it wants. It wants a chunk of me.

The most recent addiction is trying to eat a piece of my brain. But really, seldom is there only a single resource being sacrificed to an addiction. In this case, time is also going up in smoke at the rate of an hour a day. Online Scrabble. Ooooo, it's so hard to see it in print. It makes me downright squeamish to put it in black and white where I can no longer pretend that it's just a harmless way to pass a little time now and then. Scrabble is a game that was invented for two or more people to play. A bonding experience. But what happens when the Scrabble opponent is a computer? Am I developing a meaningful relationship with a humanoid? Gross. Is my intellect getting a workout, sharpening those mental skills to stave off dementia? How would I ever know?

While I may or may not be strengthening my precious synapses, there is one sure way to identify an addiction that can accurately be filed under D for destructive. The simple test is how I react to my loved ones when I am interrupted. If an interruption prompts a calm response, then all is well and I can indulge my addiction in good conscience. But if, on the other hand, my response is less than sweet, less than kind, less than patient, less than loving, well, I'd better stop and ask myself some hard questions. Is this addiction making someone else sad? Is this addiction hurting someone else's feelings because I spoke harshly without just cause? Is this addiction bringing out the best in me, or is it feeding the side of me that should be crucified?

Sigh. Here I am again, back to my life verse for another life adjustment. Gotta throw off the online Scrabble. It was fun while it lasted. For me anyway.